For what I recognise is the inner response within me to meet that vulnerability – a drive to meet it with love, kindness and patience. It’s not a chore at all – though it is a challenge to wake up night after night at 3am, but 10 mins after getting up, and we’re sitting together eye gazing, it’s sweet! Of course this inner response to our baby’s vulnerability is completely natural – nature’s way of making sure we all survive entering this world.

But there is something deeper going on too because being vulnerable doesn’t stop once we reach 18 and let our parents be.

On many levels our vulnerability continues throughout our life. On a survival level we can never truly know when our time is up, or when some debilitating disease may take hold, and we will need the support of family and friends.

Everyday Vulnerability

And there is also a more day to day vulnerability – if we allow ourselves to go there! Underneath my calm happy exterior is a whole world of emotional vulnerability that I’m often not in touch with, or I simply would rather not face. Perhaps many of us have hidden worlds of low self-esteem, depression, needs to be seen to be successful, good, rich, cool, poor, funny, acceptable…the list goes on and on. Such needs may render us feeling vulnerable when they are inevitably not met. Such is the life for us humans.

For many years, especially in my twenties, I’d avoid all notion of this vulnerability. Whenever I did allow it through, the relationship I was in, or going back further to my childhood, it simply didn’t seem acceptable, and certainly not welcomed. My parents generation rarely had the skills or the cultural background to be open and truly vulnerable emotionally.

Opening to Connection

What I have learned since being in my thirties, exploring the world of mind, body and spirit, is that opening to the truth of my vulnerability allows me to be open to richer and deeper connections with my partner, friends and family. I have to give great credit here to Sacha for showing me the way. She has always been totally present, supportive and loving whenever I’ve been in a vulnerable space and that has taught me a great lesson in trust. When I allow myself to express that I am feeling scared, worried, sad, depressed or frustrated, almost without fail I find myself met with understanding, kindness and compassion.  Emotions are part of our human experience (we have tear ducts for a reason!) and giving permission to them, acknowledging them, gives us all permission to be real doesn’t it?

It seems to be a win-win approach: the reality of our vulnerability is acknowledged and expressed, and the one who offers support has that opportunity to be in their compassion, their kindness. I’m not saying that would always be easy or comfortable, but in the exchange of our deeper realities, greater understanding of each other, and greater connection to each other may be made. Perhaps a way forward to healing and love.

Amazing what a baby can remind us eh! Thank you beautiful Tula. I’ll end with a quote, a Native American proverb:

“The Soul Would Have No Rainbow If The Eyes Had No Tears.”

It’s been just about 4 weeks since the birth of our baby girl, and it seems like 4 months and yet on another level it’s all gone so quickly. Tula Bliss was born on the morning of 22 June – a very beautiful experience for us two three – Tula was born in a pool, at our home on Waiheke, no complications, though of course birthing was  intense. So many amazing moments, connecting eye to eye, soul to soul, learning to be parents, sleep deprivation (no matter what people tell you nothing prepares you for so many sleepless nights), changing nappies endlessly, endless feeding sessions, figuring out an approach to bouts of baby crying….

It’s a steep learning curve that’s for sure and every day seems like a long adventure. That’s why the days are long, and we have to be so present, that the weeks are beginning to pass by.  And we wouldn’t have it any other way.

In the past mothers would say to me that they wish they could come to yoga class but don’t have the time as it’s all taken up being a parent. And I would reply, “Well that’s a yoga practice in itself, looking after a young being.” And now I truly know what it is like. Looking after Tula has opened my heart, opened me to new levels of unconditional kindness and unconditional service.

Yogis and Buddhists often talk about service and kindness as spiritual paths, and I have truly felt the truth of that over the last 4 weeks.

Yes I have been immensely challenged, incredibly tired, and yet still rise from the bed at 3am to change nappies….and I don’t mind…all it takes is the hint of a smile from Tula and I know its the right thing! I know Sacha is doing an amazing job of being a mother…it’s very heart-warming to see her be so tender with our baby.

It’ll be interesting to see how it progresses, whether I can sustain this level of parenting. I’ll keep you all informed on this blog, and if anybody has any parenting tips…please do share them and write a reply!

Blessings and peace,

Neal

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New Beginnings…Entering the Unknown…
For Sacha and myself, these are big times…we have just a few weeks to go til our first baby is due. Well in fact the little soul could arrive at any time, and there’s one of the first teachings I have received from our baby. It seems to be a great unknown! When will the baby arrive? What will the labour be like for us? The birthing? Being a parent of a new born?

I truly have very little idea. It’s all new for me, for us. I have lots of questions, no answers. But somehow my yoga practice and my 5Rhythms dance practice has prepared me for this. Each time I step onto the yoga mat, or onto a dance floor, truly I cannot know exactly what will happen. The teachings from these traditions so often talk about being present to each moment.

And yes, as I spin off in my dance and let go into the rhythm of chaos, I have no idea what will emerge the other side. As I tune into each breath on my yoga mat, I can become sensitive and alive to every breath as it arises.

And yet I do find myself at the other side of chaos, time and time again. I find I do survive, and as the years pass I learn to trust the process, the wave of life, so I can ride it and relax.

Teachings for being at ease with the unknown future, for being present. I am praying that my years of spiritual practice will stand me in good stead for this journey of birthing and parenting and help me to truly welcome entering the unknown.

Perhaps everyday is an unknown anyway? Who knows what this day will bring? How often do I want certainty, security, yet the reality is that there is none. What we can do though is learn to be at ease with uncertainty. That’s a huge part of my spiritual journey with yoga and dance.

What helps you in times of uncertainty? What helps you feel truly at ease with the unknown?

Peace and blessings to you, Neal